Bad writing

The entry below (Dancing with the wind) is true. It happened, it was charming and memorable, and I really wanted to capture it so that I could revisit it. But I read it now and it sounds stilted, contrived, overly dramatic. I wish I could figure out why, but I just can’t seem to put my finger on the problem.

It’s happened to me before, this failed effort to capture a moment or a thought in such a way that others will react to it as I did. Am I somehow overwriting, overthinking, trying too hard? All I know is when I read it later, I react negatively.

... and that's my two cents