The Great Smoke Alarm Conspiracy

smokealarmPursuant to my previous post, my son has related to me some additional information about smoke alarms that confirms these devices are indeed engaged in a conspiracy against us.

First, he too thinks the alarms must contain some sort of capacitor that allows them to continue chirping even in a near-death condition with no apparent life support. In other words, they’re damned hard to kill. After my experience the other night, I’m inclined to agree with him.

But that wasn’t the most damning evidence. Not by a long shot. He said that both he and his wife, after careful observation, have determined that the alarms in their home chirp only at night. Having resolutely slept through a chirping alarm one night, they noticed it had stopped chirping the next day. And for the next several days it chirped only at night, never during the day.

That’s a conspiracy if I’ve ever seen one! While I, a mere lay person, have theorized this may have something to do with failing photoelectric cells mistaking darkness for smoke or some such thing, I think the more obvious explanation is that these things are alien spawn. Disguised as innocent, helpful household appliances and marketed as essential in every home, they insinuate themselves into our lives and proceed to confuse and exhaust us. By the time their mother ship finally arrives, we humans will be more than willing to do anything to stop the chirping!

Come on, now. Admit it. That little round thing hovering on the ceiling above you does bear a startling resemblance to … you know. It even has little red and green lights on it. You don’t seriously believe that’s just a coincidence, do you?

________

Just talked to my son again about my hypothesis as it exists to this point. He thinks the conspiracy is far more insidious than I’d suspected. The wires, he theorizes, connect the alarms to government feeds, and each unit contains a mini spy cam. OMG, the government is in cahoots with the aliens!

Think about it. The alarms used to be freestanding, independent units powered only by batteries. A passive aggressive approach, if you will. But technology developed and the government “suggested” that having the alarms wired into our household current was a better way to go; the batteries were just for backup power. Then the government began suggesting the alarms be installed in many different areas of our homes, to better “protect” us. Finally, now, in most communities, smoke alarms are required by law in homes and businesses! They’re everywhere, with their little spy cams reporting our every move to the government. Observing our various responses to the alarms’ chirping, which may in fact be deliberately, remotely triggered to test us, the government can quickly identify emotionally weak and unstable individuals … and notify the aliens accordingly.

Take heed, my friends, take heed. It may already be too late for me, but you can still warn others. Save yourselves.

Chirp!

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