Not wishing to sear my eyeballs and raise my blood pressure, I did not watch yesterday’s “Hannity” on Fox News. And apparently I picked a particularly good day to do it (although I do so every day).
Hannity’s guest was Sarah Palin, there to tout her new book about the war on Christmas, oddly titled A Happy Holiday IS a Merry Christmas. (Typical Palin, conflating war on Christmas, Happy Holiday, and Merry Christmas). Fox News, Sean Hannity, Sarah Palin, and a Palin-authored treatise about the imaginary war on Christmas. That’s enough to give a mild-mannered liberal atheist both heartburn and a stroke.
First of all, Palin can’t write. That’s been well established. And as anyone with ears knows, she can barely speak coherently. So let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and hope she hired a really good ghostwriter for her latest “literary” endeavor.
Nothing, of course, can help her lame premise — that there’s a war on Christmas. Luckily Hannity was there to provide support, as reported by Media Matters:
While Hannity wrung his hands about the latest “unbridled and seemingly unprecedented” attacks on Christmas, Palin opined that “angry atheists” armed with attorneys “want to tell us, they want to tell patriots, they want to tell traditional Americans, that no longer can you acknowledge that Jesus is the reason for the season.”
Well, Mr. Hannity and Ms. Palin, I’ve got some complaints of my own when it comes to Christmas. Not only is there not a war on Christmas, there is a war by Christmas. Christmas, not content to have December 25th noted on every calendar in the world, has managed to turn most of December into one long holiday from work and school, and has now set its sights on November. The next big objective is the complete usurpation and obliteration of Thanksgiving. Christmas’s armies of retailers, its mercenaries, have conspired to extend Black Friday into Black Thursday Night and Friday — possibly even Black Thursday Afternoon — with their ever-earlier openings, chipping away at what used to be a quiet family evening filled with mellow conversation and tryptophanic haze.
In case you hadn’t noticed, Ms. Palin, Jesus hasn’t been the reason for the season for quite a few years. Retailing has become the reason. So save your wailing about “patriots” and “traditional Americans.” Thanksgiving is more patriotic and traditionally American than Christmas ever was, and you and your mercenaries are well on the way to destroying it.
There’s no war on Christmas and never has been. But Christmas is sure as hell waging war on Thanksgiving. Don’t talk to me about a war on Christmas when retailers everywhere have been hanging Christmas decorations since the first of November and advertisers have been talking about Christmas layaways since before Halloween.
No, there’s no war on Christmas. Maybe, Ms. Palin, just maybe, since you’re still feeling so defensive about all this, your problem might be something more … ahem … “fundamental” …