So, what’s it going to be, Sarah P?

Did you quit the Alaska governorship to become an author and speaker? Or did you quit so you could pursue the GOP presidential nomination in 2012?

Honestly, I’m betting you thought you could do both — get stinking rich as a writer/speaker and bag that 2012 thing.

But now there’s this big flap in Iowa about you (or your people) asking for (or being offered) a $100,000 speaking fee to appear there.

No, no, noooo, Sarah. You poor thing, that’s not the way it works. See, you can run around the country selling your book and making your cute winky wink speeches because you’re an “author” (shill for a ghostwriter) and pseudo-celebrity (sideshow freak) that some folks will actually pay to see. Or you can run around the country being a not-yet-officially-announced-but-you’re-not-fooling-anyone 2012 presidential hopeful and grovel for votes and support and hope people will be moved to contribute to your war chest. You can’t do both.

You can’t expect a $100,000 speaker’s fee for going to Iowa and then ask them for their votes to boot. Especially not in Iowa, the early must-win state for any presidential candidate. That’s sort of like being invited to someone’s home for dinner and telling the host you’d love to come — for $100,000.

Oh, poor dear, you don’t understand the distinction here, do you? Bless your heart. Maybe you should just stay in Alaska where things are … um … simpler.