March Madness, Vatican-style

7 thoughts on “March Madness, Vatican-style”

  1. What heresy! Honestly, everyone knows that this is no sporting contest, nor even a political election! Look, here’s how it works:

    The Holy Ghost descends on the red-capped and be-skirted conclave through God’s finger painted on the Sistine ceiling and locks them in a Vulcan mind-meld which, after playing with their minds for a while, compels a unanimous vote for a single Cardinal. The newly-annointed one, while displaying appropriate self-deprecating good humor, is then transformed and re-named through a permanent ESP link with the Almighty.

    His fellow club members stoke a white-smoke fire while he dons his white dress and Versachi red shoes. He is then lifted onto an ornate gilded chair carried by slaves, er, I mean servants, and presented to the adoring crowd who, fearing the fires of eternal torment if they don’t, compete to kiss his ring and ask forgiveness for sins past and future.

    Finally, while reciting his vow of poverty under his breath the new Pope moves into the grand Papal suite at St. Peters surrounded by his extensive staff of servants, retinue of Swiss guards, and the world’s greatest art collection.

    My bet’s on the Italian. 😀

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