Originally posted in 2004, and recently expanded:
- People who ding my car
- Hangnails
- Telemarketers and robocalls
- Paper cuts
- Door-to-door hustlers (and see #25)
- The “F” word outside of “R” rated movies
- Reporters who mangle the English language (when did our schools stop teaching grammar?)
- Religious people who think I should be
- Bosses who know less than I do about my job
- Anyone or anything that wakes me up
- Zits (not fair at my age!)
- Single-ply toilet paper
- Ambulance-chasing lawyers who advertise on TV (e.g: Jim “The Hammer” Shapiro)
- Headaches
- That lone mosquito in my bedroom that I can hear in the dark … waiting …
- Honorary degrees (they dishonor real degrees and the people who earn them)
- Rain on my parades
- Canker sores
- People who own vicious dogs (I blame the owner, not the dog)
- Paper towels that don’t absorb
- Detectable lip-syncing
- Sheet marks on my face (Me, napping? Nahhh!)
- Ridiculous use of the word frack in “Battlestar Galactica”
- Voice mail (this is customer service?)
- Flyers taped to my front or garage door
- Clear packing tape that won’t relinquish a strip until I’ve picked away half the roll
- All those unwanted phone books that seem to breed on my porch
- The perverseness of inanimate objects (you know the ones I’m talking about)
- Sun in my eyes when I’m looking for that “must-not-miss” exit sign at 70 mph
- Nail polish that wasn’t dry after all
- Food caught in my teeth
- That one little bristly hair on my chin that I can feel but can’t see to tweeze
- Doctors who say “discomfort” when they mean “PAIN”
- Pouring a cup of coffee, then discovering I’m out of CoffeeMate
- Indestructible, hermetically sealed, tamper-proof, absolutely unopenable plastic packaging
- Dead car batteries that don’t announce themselves until I have to get to an appointment
- Four-year-olds spouting four-letter words
- Shipping charges that exceed the cost of the item
- Anything, however minuscule, in my eye
- 200-tablet-sized bottles sold with 20 tablets and a big wad of cotton
- Knowing that as soon as I post this list, I’ll think of something else …
© 2008 PiedType.com.
I think I can agree with everything on your list PT.
It is a very long list. I think for myself I would want it shorter to gain in focus:
1. New words that become next to obligatory over night when everybody picks them up.
2. Problems with internet providers. They are all relatively young and inexperienced companies trying to keep millions of relatively new and inexperienced customers from becoming aggressive.
3. News about BinLaden and/or Loch Ness.
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It was a lot shorter when I first did it. I think I’ve gotten increasingly irritable and impatient as I get older. 🙂
Interesting that you put Bin Laden and Loch Ness in the same sentence. For me, it’s the LACK of news about Bin Laden that is frustrating.
Imagine the coincidence! There is also no news about the Loch Ness Monster.
I was a little afraid that the joke might be insulting, because I am more or less inclined to believe that BinLaden really existed.
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I know Bin Laden still exists, and wish he didn’t. I don’t know if Nessie exists, but hope she does (wouldn’t that be fascinating!?). I hope we hear big news about both of them, soon.
I think I have the same breeding problem as you on my front porch – where the heck do all those phone books come from and why whenever you look for a number in them can you not find it? Talk about wasting trees. Naps, uh-huh – mysterious and invisible chin hair, yup.
Great list.
Annie
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The city says phone books can go into our recycle bins. We recycle to save resources. Trees are resources. Phone books are made from trees. What’s wrong with this picture?
(ahem … have you seen my tweezers? … )