I read the news today, but why?

♦ That Alaskan woman whose initials are S.P. is going to “collaborate” in the writing of a book. A book! B-O-O-K. She can’t even remember which newspapers she reads. Her part in the collaboration will probably consist of autographing said book for the six people who still care she exists.

♦ Obama’s not going to release the Gitmo torture pics, after all. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. The media will tear him apart for backing down, but if he’s convinced it’s for the good of our troops in the field, I won’t argue. Seeing the pics really serves no purpose. We all have a pretty good idea what they’ll show. And we all have the same sick, ugly little animal inside us that wants to see them. We can pretty up our motives, and some of them even make sense. But no, we don’t need to see them.

♦ That California beauty queen. What’s her name? Carrie Prejean. Gawd, she’s actually found a way to make beauty queens look even worse than they already did. Just when you thought they couldn’t sink any lower or get any dumber, along comes Carrie. This is one industry I wish would just go away. Find another way to generate scholarships for beautiful young women too stupid to earn one.

♦ Carrie Prejean was granted a stay of execution by Miss U.S.A. pageant “boss” and owner Donald Trump, who declared she could keep her crown. Apparently it wasn’t enough for him to promote a cat fight on his “Celebrity Apprentice” show; he declared Joan Rivers the cattiest cat of them all. I’ve never liked that woman, but I never thought she was that mean and foul-mouthed. Oh well. Takes a long time to get that nasty.

♦ That commuter jet that crashed near Buffalo in February? By all indications the two pilots didn’t have the experience to deal with icing conditions, or indeed, the skill to be flying at all. Both had lied about failing past flight tests. Both were exhausted before they even left the ground on the ill-fated flight. If the airline hasn’t already been sued, they soon will be. For letting two pilots like that fly at all, the airline should be shut down, permanently. That’s Colgan Air Inc., a division of Pinnacle Airlines Corp.

♦ Elizabeth Edwards has been making the rounds, talking about her new book. Seems only fair she get to have her say about cheatin’ hubbie, John. Cheating on a cancer-stricken wife while running for president of the U.S. That’s a new kind of low in my book. Not to mention stupid. I’ve heard criticism of Elizabeth, that she stood by him because of her own ambitions, etc. Doesn’t matter. He’s still a skunk. As for why she hasn’t left him, I haven’t seen anyone mention the first reason I thought of — that she’s covered under his health insurance and can’t afford give it up now that she’s been diagnosed with cancer. Maybe young moderns have other arrangements, but not so long ago I had friends stuck in bad marriages for precisely that reason.

♦ Somebody give Dick Cheney the hook. He’s killing what’s left of the Republican Party. He’s only trying to cover his own ass anyway. Why let him take the whole party down. Go away, Dick. You were voted out, remember? I liked him much better as a silent, menacing Darth Vaderesque veep. Silent. Behind the scenes. Menacing. But silent. And while you’re out there with that hook, get Rush Limbaugh too. A pompous radio talk show blowhard is not a political leader. There are still some good Republicans out there (Powell, McCain, Ridge) who could help rebuild the party, but I’m guessing right now they’re too embarrassed to raise their hands

♦ The crew of Space Shuttle Atlantis is orbiting above us somewhere doing maintenance work on the Hubble telescope. Only eight more missions before the space shuttles are retired forever. And there will be a seven-year lapse before the next generation of space vehicles comes on line. Seven years in which to lose funding, lose momentum, lose interest. How sad that the U.S. space program has been relegated to a minor supporting role in the overall scheme of things. Where is the wonder, the awe, the fierce interest that sent two generations of young Americans rushing into math and science so they could be a part of it? Where is the endeavor that had the whole world gazing skyward toward man’s next great challenge? We need to be always reaching beyond, always stretching for the unknown. The alternative is simply too dismal to contemplate.