I’ve had a lot of personal meltdowns in the last few months, dating back to about November 5, 2024. Most have been internal thoughts, turmoil, tension. Some have come out in blog posts, I’m sure, though I’ve not looked back and counted them. Some have been with my son, but we try not to go there because it’s not good for either of us. And it’s a good thing I live alone because otherwise any relationship would probably be in trouble by now.
If I temper my writing, it’s mostly out of habit. Writing slows me down, makes me think more about what I’m saying, how I’m saying it, and choosing the right words to express it accurately. As a blogger, I know people, if only a few, will see and read what I write. Of course, I can easily delete anything I’ve posted, but by then, how many people might already have seen it? Or — gasp — copied it, linked to it, sent it to others! Once it’s been published, there’s really no getting it back. My words will be out there somewhere in the ether, beyond my reach, beyond my ability to take them back.
So what am I left with? Every day I see, read, hear awful news about everything, but especially about our government, the very framework of our American lives, our future, and even the planet we stand on. My son seems to blow it off, to mostly ignore it, and it’s good he can do that. He has a job, a wife, and two college-age kids that need his energy and attention.
I do have to laugh though, about the day I walked into the kitchen yelling “F— Trump!!” as loud as I could. I’ve never done that before — hurled an F-bomb at the walls (or anywhere at anything, for that matter). But I was raised in a home where I couldn’t and didn’t even say hell or damn until I was away at college. (Ladies don’t talk like that, you know.)
Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe I should do it more often. My blood pressure is way up and while that may not be unusual for an overweight 82-year-old, I strongly suspect age isn’t the only reason.
But as bad as things are, I still hope I live to see the end of it. I’d like to see the sun shine again. For my grandkids. And for the rest of the world.
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Header image: Hands Off! protesters at the Connecticut State Capitol on April 5, 2025 (Ryan Caron King/Connecticut Public)
Yes
I’d swear I’ve aged 10 years in the last 3 months.
I so get this
And when the dust has settled, it will shine again.. chaos facilitates change..😌
I hope so. It can’t come soon enough.
Yes… everyone wants it to be sooner…
It’s good that you have this blog, Susan. I’m sure it’s an outlet for your frustration. While I’m consistently sympathetic to your feelings I admit to a mellowing about it all. It’s history in the making right before my eyes, and tinged with a touch of schadenfreude from the vantage point of my 88 years. It seems miraculous that I’ve lived through all that’s happened and I’m feeling grateful for the privilege. Consider that technology is giving us an unprecedented vantage point to view it all in real time.
This doesn’t mean that I won’t join you in a primal scream occasionally. Be well.
LOL. Yep, primal scream. That’s what it was. While I don’t enjoy what’s currently happening in our country, I am, like you, amazed by all I’ve witnessed and lived through. Particularly since my recollections date farther back than most journalists venture when referencing “historical” events. (Making me pre-historic??) Most days I’m a bit surprised to find that I’m still here. But I wouldn’t mind the here and now being a bit less chaotic.
These are frightening times, Colorado – no doubt about it. I think that the pleasure this mad bastard gets out of defying the Courts to be about the most terrifying thing: I know he wants to destroy the whole system, and if he manages it there’s only civil war to follow. And there are times when I believe that’s exactly what he’s after.
I’m heartened by Harvard’s stand against him. Bless ’em for standing up for their principles. Doing so could cost them dearly. It’s what Congress should be doing, but isn’t. The courts also should be, but that seems to be rather hit and miss, and I don’t know how they can actually enforce their decisions if/when Trump defies or ignores them. I’m cautiously hopeful about the court saying he must bring Kilmar Garcia back from that El Salvador prison. I hate that they are arguing semantics while a presumably innocent man sits in the world’s worst prison.
I am so triggered and upset I have developed writer’s block. Every. Single. Day. there is a new awful development that I could write about, but my current blog is not the appropriate forum, and I am being stalked online by a MAGA relative who has caused harm in the past… that isn’t ominous at all, oh no, not at all. I hate, hate, hate what is happening in our nation, and like you, I do hope to live through it, but I have limited hope.
Seriously considering closing down the current blog and launching a new one called Thoughts by Midnight. I’ll let you know.
My first thought was to urge you not to shut down your current blog. Rather, start a new one for political discussions. Then post to whichever one is appropriate for whatever you want to say in the moment. Under the circumstances, you can’t very well refer your current readers to the new blog. At least not online. Maybe email them (or some of them) with the information? Also, you can password protect WP blogs. I’ve never done it, but I know it can be done. And try to relax a bit if you can. Personally, I go to my favorite video game. It occupies both my mind and my hands. You have much more worthwhile pastimes.
I keep going back and forth about the blog(s). I have been stuck in knitting limbo for some time, and the struggle to get my joint pain under control has just worn me down. Ironically, that is the least of the concerns that my doctors are focused on, but right now it is totally a quality-of-life thing for me. Spring is on the way, I want to get the roses up and going again, there are birds to feed, and the cats absolutely expect to spend time out on the catio.
Thanks for the practical advice. I am kind of caught in an indecision loop, but the best way out of something like that is to refocus, find some purpose, line up a bunch of projects that need to get done, and get to work. I have learned lessons from scleroderma that can apply to the current world, and I need to remember that and get going again.
I just saw JFK, Jr. talking about autism… FFS! Here we go again, I need to write a blog post about this. In my family we have some people on the spectrum, and one of them graduated with a degree in physics from Princeton and is now working for Google doing the maps programing. Once he was diagnosed we realized that his mother and my ex are also somewhat on the spectrum…
Spring is already here on this side of town. Ran an errand a couple of days ago and the pear trees lining Colo. Blvd. are in full bloom. Also the lopsided one in my backyard and the redbud in my front yard. The grass has gotten deep enough that by the time my contracted crew comes around, they’re going to need machetes to get through it. Bunnies and squirrels spotted out back, much to Charlie’s delight, and birds singing.
Your knitting will wait until you feel up to it again. Meanwhile, kitties, a catio, flowers, sunshine, SPRING! … enjoy. (Well, except for the snow coming tonight …)
(Let’s neither of us watch RFK Jr. We don’t need the additional stress.)