1. John McCain? Old soldiers never die, they just find another war to fight.

2. Hillary’s “thirty years of political experience” add up to only slightly more than Barack Obama’s creds. And he’s a lot more likable.

3. Rudy “9/11” Giuliani wouldn’t have a candidacy if he’d been out of town that day. And besides, he runs with a shady bunch of friends.

4. Romney is a flip-flopper extraordinaire. Will he still be a Mormon next week? Stay tuned.

5. Happy Huckabee should go back to his little church in Arkansas and preach to the choir. We’ve had too much religion in the White House already.

6. John Edwards was just a pup four years ago. Now he’s a pit bull. The first was cute; the second is just scary.

7. Thompson’s snooze alarm went off once too often or he wouldn’t even be in the race.

8. Ron Paul? Oh yes, that’s the name that pops up on your browser no matter what you’re looking for. Never click on it. There’s something fishy about a name showing up that much. Better run a virus check…